Today the girls are 2 weeks old!! Where did the time go!?
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| Lala |
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| Rara |
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Two week appointment...
Our doctor's appt went really well today - the girls are now above birth weight (Isla is 6.4 and Zara is now 6.2). Both girls are also measuring at 18.75 inches!! That seems so big - but both their weight and heigh land them in the pretty low range in comparison to "normal" babies i.e not preemies.
The girls also moved to 7 feeds/day instead of 8. Which means, 5 hours between one of their night feeds!!!! Both Allan and I will feed them at 8pm-9pm. At 9 I will go to bed until 5 am b/c Allan will take the midnight on his own. Then Allan will sleep from 1am until whenever he wakes up in the morning. Fingers crossed we can transition to this schedule fairly easy...can't wait for real sleep again!!
The doctor also stocked us up with more formula - the girls love the Gerber Smart Start formula - but of course the type they like isn't sold in Logan. I was stressed b/c we ordered new formula - but it won't be here until Friday - but we are due to run out on Wednesday. When I mentioned this to our doctor he was quick to give us samples. He even mentioned that his Gerber rep might give us a month's worth of formula as there is a program for preemie twins!! That'd be fabulous - and save us about $300!!
But, now of course, for the bad news. The girls are still on house arrest due to Zara's lungs. They are still not allowed to have visitors and the doc said he'd prefer them not to go out -but if they had to they needed to be covered and only go out in the early morning, late evening, or on Sunday's in the morning. That made me laugh, which was nice, b/c if I hadn't laughed I would've cried. I'm not sure why, but I just want to take them out, in the stroller and do "regular" things like go to the store. Just be a mom - who does regular things. I know this is a small drop in the pond, and others struggle with much more than I do, but I just want to feel like a "regular mom". We will reevaluate Zara's situation in December - but right now he even wants them to stay out of daycare in Jan - just to make sure they are big/strong enough to fight things off. Good for the babies - but surprisingly hard for mom (me) to hear. So - for now - we are in "baby jail" together.
The girls also moved to 7 feeds/day instead of 8. Which means, 5 hours between one of their night feeds!!!! Both Allan and I will feed them at 8pm-9pm. At 9 I will go to bed until 5 am b/c Allan will take the midnight on his own. Then Allan will sleep from 1am until whenever he wakes up in the morning. Fingers crossed we can transition to this schedule fairly easy...can't wait for real sleep again!!The doctor also stocked us up with more formula - the girls love the Gerber Smart Start formula - but of course the type they like isn't sold in Logan. I was stressed b/c we ordered new formula - but it won't be here until Friday - but we are due to run out on Wednesday. When I mentioned this to our doctor he was quick to give us samples. He even mentioned that his Gerber rep might give us a month's worth of formula as there is a program for preemie twins!! That'd be fabulous - and save us about $300!!
But, now of course, for the bad news. The girls are still on house arrest due to Zara's lungs. They are still not allowed to have visitors and the doc said he'd prefer them not to go out -but if they had to they needed to be covered and only go out in the early morning, late evening, or on Sunday's in the morning. That made me laugh, which was nice, b/c if I hadn't laughed I would've cried. I'm not sure why, but I just want to take them out, in the stroller and do "regular" things like go to the store. Just be a mom - who does regular things. I know this is a small drop in the pond, and others struggle with much more than I do, but I just want to feel like a "regular mom". We will reevaluate Zara's situation in December - but right now he even wants them to stay out of daycare in Jan - just to make sure they are big/strong enough to fight things off. Good for the babies - but surprisingly hard for mom (me) to hear. So - for now - we are in "baby jail" together.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Week 1 - the things I've learned...
Well, the girls have been here for a week and a day - and honestly - it feels like they've been here forever - in a really, really good way. I just do not know how I lived my life/functioned before they were born.
3) You are going to have to give Nancy Drew a run for her money when it comes to being a mom. It's all guess work, assessing signals and signs that aren't verbal and keep calm until you find a clue as to what could be bothering your baby. And you know what, when you have two babies at once, that's hard work!! In the last few days I've learned to keep myself calm when they freak so that I can try to figure the situation out. At first - I'd just cry with them!
I'm sure, once things have died down, I will be able to blog/update more. But for now I'm going to aim for a weekly update, kind of like the weekly pregnancy updates. I am aiming to do them on Saturdays as Allan will be home and so I'll have some more help than usual, i.e. time to myself. And by time - I mean 1/2 hour or so!
So - to start off my weekly updates -here at the things I've learned the first week of being a mom:
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| My learning begins...not that I'd rec trying to get in the NICU - I can't thank that staff enough for all they thought me on top of looking after my girls. |
1) You cannot plan anything. I was sure that we were going to use a certain bottle, formula, diapers, etc. I bought tons of bottles (enough for a days worth) but thankfully held of on buying the formula. Well, the girls had different plans. Neither of the girls liked the formula I picked out- they'd go on lock down and not open their mouths. The bottles we were using made them cough, throw up and cry. So, we switched to a different formula & different bottles - and you know what - now they are eating like champs. Now I have a bunch of ultra expensive bottles in a plastic bag in storage...ugh!
2) Babies are scary!! Not in the way I thought they were before I had children - but in a very serious, "Omg - things just got real and I'm responsible for your life" kind of way. A few examples: first, when I couldn't get them to eat. If they didn't eat they'd go back to NICU for a few weeks. Then there was the time La decided to throw up in the crib, on her back and our her mouth & nose. I could've sworn she stopped breathing. That's when I learned what a set of lungs that girl has. During bath time I accidentally got water in her mouth (Allan and I joke that I water boarded her) when I had her under the water and she reached out and pull the hot water on. I was so worried that she'd scold her body that I pulled her out, directly under the facet, and got water in her mouth. Another time was last night when Lady La decided she was going to have a two hour - yes, TWO hour fit! She cried and screamed for two hours. He body went stiff as a board, legs straight out, screaming and yelling. I was so very close to calling her doctor at 2am, in tears, to beg him to tell me what to do. Then I calmed myself down and assessed the situation even though I could hardly think with all of the blood-curdling cries. I changed her diaper, burped her and then soothed her while she was in the crib...it work!! She slept for 3.5 hours (1/2 hour more than she's supposed to).
3) You are going to have to give Nancy Drew a run for her money when it comes to being a mom. It's all guess work, assessing signals and signs that aren't verbal and keep calm until you find a clue as to what could be bothering your baby. And you know what, when you have two babies at once, that's hard work!! In the last few days I've learned to keep myself calm when they freak so that I can try to figure the situation out. At first - I'd just cry with them!
4) I can function on less than 9 hours of sleep. Prior to having kids I thought that my body needed 9 hours of sleep minimum to function. Right now I'm running on 6 hours. I get two hours between each night feeding - and it seems to be working. I do, however, usually take a nap in the afternoon for an hour or so.
5) Newborn baby clothes are insanely hard to find - I have a mix match of onesies, pants and hats - I don't want to buy more than I have right now b/c I think they will be growing out of them quickly. Thank goodness Kourtney Kardashian claimed that mixing patters was "hot" this season. That and the girls and I are staying inside for the unforeseeable future so they can develop their lungs & immune system. Otherwise, I'd be thoroughly embarrassed.
6) It just boggles my mind how people lived without baby monitors & snuzzas. I'd lose my head if I didn't have them both - I'd be constantly worried that something was wrong - I'd never, ever sleep. Ever. (This also relates to #1 b/c I swore I'd never ever have a baby monitor...my sanity couldn't handle more than one night w/out one!).
Well, that's about it for y learning this week - I think. I'm sure I've learned things I can't think of - but I don't have time (or the mental energy) to dig into the good ol' memory banks as I only have 10 more minutes before the next feeding....
Until next time! <3
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Never give up...
It's 1:09am and here I sit, listening to my daughters hiccup, gurgle and make other incredibly adorable baby noises that probably would annoy anybody but family. And I'm happy. "Happy as Larry," as Allan would say.
Even though I miss sleep, my body is crazy strange right now, and hormones go from under control to out of control in the matter of seconds; we've had a great day. The girls had their first doctor's appointment today. It all went well, I had a minor breakdown over formula & my experience in the NICU with the feeding consultant, but other than that - the experience far exceeded my expectations. Both the girl's doctor & the two nurses we worked with were absolutely fabulous! The girls gained weight, .3 & .4 oz, since Sunday night - which doesn't seem like much - but it's huuuuuuge for a late-term preemie! We go back in one week for another weight and wellness check. As funny as it sounds, the appointment really helped to ease my mind that things will be okay. I had a lot of questions regarding "how to" with the girls and the doctor said that really, I just had to "wing it". Which is incredibly hard for me - but he also assured me that aside from shaking or dropping the girls (or intentionally hurting them) there was not much that could go wrong with them. For example, during the visit Z's belly button fell off and so the doctor pulled lightly on Isla's to see if hers would be loose too - it wasn't but I flipped a bit. All the books say you should not touch or pull on the belly button, let it fall off in time, etc. He smiled when I corrected him and said it was fine then went over the need to take everything I read with a grain of salt as there are different theories out there and they all contradict each other. As long as I'm well meaning (don't worry, I'm still not going to pull off belly buttons) then the girls will survive being infants.
When we got home I was able to get a bit of a nap, so that helped my outlook tons. Also, my parents and I have seemed to have gotten into a groove with the girls as far as a schedule and technique go. Allan is still working, so he helps at both 6 o'clock (AM & PM) feedings - but other than than that he's not here, which is hard on him, and on me & the girls. I didn't think it'd be so hard for me mentally when he went to work. I just want him to be here with us - seems strange without him. And, I want for him to experience all of the funny things the girls do. But, he will have time off next week to be here - so I've just got to hold on for that.
Anyway - all of this got me thinking about everything that Allan and I have been through from immigration to moving to infertility and now this. Our last two years together have been challenging and rewarding. All I can think about when looking back on it is: "I'm glad we never gave up." This holds true especially when it comes to the infertility bit. It was really hard for me to go through - and there were times I thought I wasn't going to be strong enough to make it to the next step. But, with Allan's support (and that of many others), I did make it. And the reward is amazing...I have my two beautiful, healthy girls who just keep exceeding our expectations but never giving up either...I'm sure, together, we can and will make it through anything!!
Well, I have 1.5 hours until the next feeding, I'm just starting to feel tired, and apparently I'm getting super sappy - so I think it's time to sign off and try to get some sleep!!
<3
Even though I miss sleep, my body is crazy strange right now, and hormones go from under control to out of control in the matter of seconds; we've had a great day. The girls had their first doctor's appointment today. It all went well, I had a minor breakdown over formula & my experience in the NICU with the feeding consultant, but other than that - the experience far exceeded my expectations. Both the girl's doctor & the two nurses we worked with were absolutely fabulous! The girls gained weight, .3 & .4 oz, since Sunday night - which doesn't seem like much - but it's huuuuuuge for a late-term preemie! We go back in one week for another weight and wellness check. As funny as it sounds, the appointment really helped to ease my mind that things will be okay. I had a lot of questions regarding "how to" with the girls and the doctor said that really, I just had to "wing it". Which is incredibly hard for me - but he also assured me that aside from shaking or dropping the girls (or intentionally hurting them) there was not much that could go wrong with them. For example, during the visit Z's belly button fell off and so the doctor pulled lightly on Isla's to see if hers would be loose too - it wasn't but I flipped a bit. All the books say you should not touch or pull on the belly button, let it fall off in time, etc. He smiled when I corrected him and said it was fine then went over the need to take everything I read with a grain of salt as there are different theories out there and they all contradict each other. As long as I'm well meaning (don't worry, I'm still not going to pull off belly buttons) then the girls will survive being infants.
When we got home I was able to get a bit of a nap, so that helped my outlook tons. Also, my parents and I have seemed to have gotten into a groove with the girls as far as a schedule and technique go. Allan is still working, so he helps at both 6 o'clock (AM & PM) feedings - but other than than that he's not here, which is hard on him, and on me & the girls. I didn't think it'd be so hard for me mentally when he went to work. I just want him to be here with us - seems strange without him. And, I want for him to experience all of the funny things the girls do. But, he will have time off next week to be here - so I've just got to hold on for that.
Anyway - all of this got me thinking about everything that Allan and I have been through from immigration to moving to infertility and now this. Our last two years together have been challenging and rewarding. All I can think about when looking back on it is: "I'm glad we never gave up." This holds true especially when it comes to the infertility bit. It was really hard for me to go through - and there were times I thought I wasn't going to be strong enough to make it to the next step. But, with Allan's support (and that of many others), I did make it. And the reward is amazing...I have my two beautiful, healthy girls who just keep exceeding our expectations but never giving up either...I'm sure, together, we can and will make it through anything!!Well, I have 1.5 hours until the next feeding, I'm just starting to feel tired, and apparently I'm getting super sappy - so I think it's time to sign off and try to get some sleep!!
<3
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Our first night home...
Well, we made it through our first night home together. I didn't think we actually would at some points during the night!! I stayed up with the girls and woke my parents up as needed for changings/feedings. But in the inbetween time - it was all me.
I learned a few things last night that will hopefully help me tonight:
1) The girls need a blanket big enough to properly swaddle them. No exceptions.
2) The "Sleep Sheep" was a lifesaver come 3 am.
3) Move anybody who snores away from the girls when they are sleeping (the girls and the snoring individual).
After learning all of this by around, oh say four o'clock, I had two girls who slept the entire last two hours until their next feed!! Holy Moly!! So, you guessed it - I finally got two hours of sleep myself. I feel like I've been sleeping for years after being up for almost 24 hours.
Hopefully, all of what I've learned tonight will also hold true during the night coming up - I'd say tomorrow but really, it's today.
Now, to finish up our 6 o'clock feeding and get them back to bed for a little sleep before we have to pack up and go to our very first pediatrician appointment!! And boy do I have questions for him now that the girls have been home!!
I learned a few things last night that will hopefully help me tonight:
1) The girls need a blanket big enough to properly swaddle them. No exceptions.
2) The "Sleep Sheep" was a lifesaver come 3 am.
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| Lala ready for a feeding! |
After learning all of this by around, oh say four o'clock, I had two girls who slept the entire last two hours until their next feed!! Holy Moly!! So, you guessed it - I finally got two hours of sleep myself. I feel like I've been sleeping for years after being up for almost 24 hours.
Hopefully, all of what I've learned tonight will also hold true during the night coming up - I'd say tomorrow but really, it's today.
Now, to finish up our 6 o'clock feeding and get them back to bed for a little sleep before we have to pack up and go to our very first pediatrician appointment!! And boy do I have questions for him now that the girls have been home!!
Monday, October 14, 2013
Having Twins at 34w6d...
So much has changed since the last time I have blogged.
Life has changed. And in such a powerful way that I don't even think I have the words to fully explain.
Allan and I welcomed our daughters, Isla and Zara, into the world at 8:09 & 8:12 on October 10, 2013. But before I get ahead of myself, let me give you some background information on the day.
Background: We had a doctor's appointment scheduled for 3 o'clock to check my blood pressure, talk about my symptoms and just overall so my doctor could make the "final" decision on delivery. We went into the doctor's office about 20 minutes early in anticipation of that being delivery day - as I had been monitoring the above issues and knew they weren't good. Sure enough, my blood pressure at the office was 162/97, which seems high - and is - but was close to what I was running at home. Also, I had some vision issues as well as headaches. All of this put together, with my swelling and recent protein spills in my urine, my doctor decided that it was time for me to deliver these girls not only for the safety of my health, but also for the safety of the girl's health, as it was only a matter of time before my issues started affecting their placentas (i.e. life lines).
Before delivery: We arrived at the hospital a little before 4 o'clock and my doctor had scheduled the c-section for 5, roughly I get into my room, in my gown and the nurses all rush in to ask me questions, hook the girls up to the monitors, etc. One of the questions they asked was, "When is the last time you ate?" Well, I had had lunch at 12:30 and also had a few gummy bears at 2 o'clock b/c, well, hey, I was pregnant and hungry!! Well, this was the news that changed everything. The anesthesiologist pulled the plug on the 5 o'clock surgery time and moved me back until 8pm. Well shit!! So we had 3 hours of torture waiting for the "big event" and 3 hours of NST monitoring - which is not fun when your belly is twin big!!
Warning: The next section will include some scary information (not graphic - but quite alarming). If you are easily upset, please do not continue.
Delivery: I chose to deliver the girls via c-section, which, ended up being the right choice as both of the girls were breech at delivery. The nurses came to collect me from my hospital a room at 7:30 and bring me to the OR for prep. By the time I was to the OR I was quite nervous and a bit anxious. I was in the "I want to turn back" frame of mind. Who enters an OR like that!? So I voiced my thoughts and everybody assured me things would work out - I gave Allan a big hug and pulled myself together mentally. So we entered.
Up on the table the anesthesiologist prepped me for my spinal tap. I was petrified! He had me lean over my belly so that it would spread my spine bones apart, but with a twin belly, this was quite the task. I was in a lot of discomfort - but also - scared he was going to miss. First he injected a numbing agent which hurt like a son of a bitch - but wasn't as bad as I had imagined the spinal tap to be. Well, two shots later (one being the spinal) I was ready to go - and honestly - the numbing agent was the worst part of it all!!!
Immediately I feel my legs get heavy, almost like they were filling with sand. The nurses had to help me lift them onto the table and then lay down. The funny thing is, I could still feel my feet as they were putting up the curtain, so I freaked. I started telling the doctor, "No, we can't do this - I can still feel everything - this isn't going to work!!" My doctor looked over the curtain and said, "Do you feel this?" and she grabbed my toe. "YES!!" She smiled calmly, and immediately said, "And this?" "Ummm...noooo...." She smiled in the calm caring way she has done every time I've panicked in her office and said, "I don't care if your feet are numb, I'm not performing surgery there, I care about your midsection. Your midsection is numb b/c I just pinched it with these [showing me a very scary, pinchy looking medical piece of steel...thing super tweezers] very hard and you didn't feel it. We're ready to go." I took in a breath, looked at Allan and tried to mentally check out. This is where my body started to convulse/shake and I was told to focus on the music to 'calm down'.
The surgery starts and really, all I could feel, was pressure and my shoulders being moved slightly from side to side by the actions that were happening below the curtain. The movement came b/c they were rolling my lower half from side to side - both girls were breech and so they were trying to grab them and flip them a bit. This did not happen. Zara came out butt first and Isla came out with one leg down, one foot up by her face.
After about 5 minutes (it felt like 5 hours) of pressure and slight movement it was announced that Zara was born. I was happy - but instantly aware of the fact that she was not crying. I voiced my concern and was told that it was normal for babies delivered by c-sections. My shaking, that I mentioned above, started to really get intense, to the point the anesthesiologist had to hold me down to keep me still while the doctor continued to deliver Isla.
Last warning...it gets scary after this...stooooop reading if you are easily upset.
As the procedure continued Zara was whisked over to her team (3 doctors) of doctors who started working on here. This was all following the plan my doctor had given me - so I turned my head and watched. Still shaking. As a matter of a fact, by this time, I have told the anesthesiologist that "I'm going to pass out" to which he replied that he's had dads pass out, but never mothers, and to just breathe.
Suddenly, in an instant, everything changed. Mind you, Z & Isla were born only 3 minutes apart - so what I'm about to happen took place in 3 minutes - but it felt like 1/2 hour.
I look back to Zara to try and focus on her and not the massive pressure going on in my stomach (they really had to push and roll me around to access Isla). I was happy to see Z but I was focusing on the doctors faces for some reason. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could see them all look very concerned. My shaking increased and I couldn't breathe. "Something's not right," I tell Allan and I could feel myself tear up and begin to lose control. "Everything's just fine, they are just making sure she's okay. And she is!" Well, no sooner did he say that then did they all get this very serious Grey's Anatomy look on their face and start moving - one to open the door and two to push Z'a crib out of the room.
"Oh my God, something is wrong..." I said. "Nope, they just want to make sure she's okay and doing all the things she should be doing," the anesthesiologist assured me (later to find out he meant they were checking her breathing.). This was not following my plan. The girls were supposed to go to the NICU together. At this point Allan is talking to a doctor, looks at me and says, "Do you want me to go with her?" Now, prior to surgery we had decided he would go to the NICU with the girls while I finished surgery. I figured that the team had just taken her to the NICU early - so I said yes and that Isla would follow. Off he went, almost running.
We are now nearing the end of the three minutes and I'm shaking so bad, I'm feeling dizzy and lightheaded and cannot focus. I'm really preparing myself to die after I see Isla (dramatic, eh? But I hate being out of control of my body.). Over the curtain I hear my doctor say, "Hold on, she's almoooooooost hereeeeeee...." and then Isla crying. Instantly. She cried instantly. My thoughts go right to Zara. Something. Is. Wrong. By this point, the doctors know I've caught on and they are trying to distract me. With jokes, with asking me stupid questions, "What's one thing nobody knows about you?" anything. Finally, Isla passes all of her tests (the ones that Zara was rushed out during) and she is placed on my chest. A distraction. But, the most beautiful distraction I've ever seen. It works. I'm distracted by my daughter. But I'm still shaking/about to pass out. She's now taken, but slowly and peacefully, to the NICU.
The rest of the surgery - as they say - is history. It takes about 10 more minutes for my doctor to finish up and I'm wheeled into recovery. I'm checked on. A lot. By multiple team members. Finally, my doctor checks on me and gives me the news: my blood pressure was dangerously low during the surgery, and still is. Also, my core temp dropped, which could be normal, but they couldn't get it to go up. I was to remain in recovery longer than normal. Instantly I start throwing up and the shaking/convulsions come back. I'm then hit with the news that due to all of this I was given morphine - which I'm insanely allergic to - but it was their only way to calm some of the other issues with my body down. Great. Morphine. At this point, Allan comes to check on me, but he's anxious and I don't know why. Then he tells me he has to leave and he will send my parents in.
I'm so sick, so drugged up and so out of it that the next few things are a blur. Here's what I remember: I throw up. A lot. I can't stop shaking so I'm given another medication. Then it's time to go up to my room, but on the way, I'm rolled to the NICU. The movement of rolling makes me insanely sick, and the NICU is really hot. So as soon as I get into the girl's room, I begin throwing up. I'm rolled out quickly. I don't remember what happens next - if I pass out or blank out - but I only remember being in my room all of a sudden. I also know it's been an insanely long time since I've seen Allan.
The nurses who were to tend to me were very attentive. I'm throwing up, still shaking and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Finally somebody comes clean with me: I'm not doing "good". They've had to up my meds and now need to monitor my body temperature & blood pressure like it's their job (which it is) to figure out how to stabilize me. Allan comes in - he's exhausted. He stays for a bit but is so tired he needs to go home to sleep. That was fine by me - it was our plan all along. The nurses come in and wrap me up in blankets - I'm sweating like I've never sweat before - but my temp is dangerously low. The move me on to other warming methods. I fall asleep.
I wake up the next morning in a much better place. The nurse came in and explained they were able to stabilize me over night. We kind of made a joke about it all - but it was pretty close to being "bad" as far as my BP & temp went. It was a darn good thing we took the girls when we did b/c of the BP...but I am okay.
Once I'm taken care of I have them bring me down to the NICU. Before we enter they stop me and tell me about Zara. She was okay now, but she was very, very close to not making it last night. Apparently she had so much fluid in her lungs that they couldn't get her to breathe. They gave her medicine to clear out her lungs, but by that point, she still wasn't wanting to try to breathe. When they rushed her out - they had rushed her out to get x-rays and hooked up to a breathing machine. What I was about to see when I went in, the nurses said, was scary to see - but we were in the safe zone.
I went in. My poor little baby was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and IVs. She was very small and fragile looking. She was gorgeous - but I was terrified. Very shortly the Respiratory Therapist arrived. He explained everything and how they were at a point now that they were not concerned about Zara's survival. "She was here by the grace of God," he said - and that he was so happy to be a part of her team and he would keep a good eye on her until she no longer needed assistance to breathe.
Long story short - he kept his promise. Zara was taken off all breathing assistance by Saturday morning.
She was thriving. Isla was healthy. I was on the mend. Life is good.
Saturday until now are all a bit of a blurred mess. I'm going to have to update you about the progress they made each day once I've had a moment to process it. But, I assure you, I will. The progress, the tests, etc., that they all had to endure for the last 72 hours is incredible and will be documented. But not yet. This is their birth story. And they are here.
I'm so in love.
Life has changed. And in such a powerful way that I don't even think I have the words to fully explain.
Allan and I welcomed our daughters, Isla and Zara, into the world at 8:09 & 8:12 on October 10, 2013. But before I get ahead of myself, let me give you some background information on the day.
Background: We had a doctor's appointment scheduled for 3 o'clock to check my blood pressure, talk about my symptoms and just overall so my doctor could make the "final" decision on delivery. We went into the doctor's office about 20 minutes early in anticipation of that being delivery day - as I had been monitoring the above issues and knew they weren't good. Sure enough, my blood pressure at the office was 162/97, which seems high - and is - but was close to what I was running at home. Also, I had some vision issues as well as headaches. All of this put together, with my swelling and recent protein spills in my urine, my doctor decided that it was time for me to deliver these girls not only for the safety of my health, but also for the safety of the girl's health, as it was only a matter of time before my issues started affecting their placentas (i.e. life lines).
Before delivery: We arrived at the hospital a little before 4 o'clock and my doctor had scheduled the c-section for 5, roughly I get into my room, in my gown and the nurses all rush in to ask me questions, hook the girls up to the monitors, etc. One of the questions they asked was, "When is the last time you ate?" Well, I had had lunch at 12:30 and also had a few gummy bears at 2 o'clock b/c, well, hey, I was pregnant and hungry!! Well, this was the news that changed everything. The anesthesiologist pulled the plug on the 5 o'clock surgery time and moved me back until 8pm. Well shit!! So we had 3 hours of torture waiting for the "big event" and 3 hours of NST monitoring - which is not fun when your belly is twin big!!
Warning: The next section will include some scary information (not graphic - but quite alarming). If you are easily upset, please do not continue.
Delivery: I chose to deliver the girls via c-section, which, ended up being the right choice as both of the girls were breech at delivery. The nurses came to collect me from my hospital a room at 7:30 and bring me to the OR for prep. By the time I was to the OR I was quite nervous and a bit anxious. I was in the "I want to turn back" frame of mind. Who enters an OR like that!? So I voiced my thoughts and everybody assured me things would work out - I gave Allan a big hug and pulled myself together mentally. So we entered.
Up on the table the anesthesiologist prepped me for my spinal tap. I was petrified! He had me lean over my belly so that it would spread my spine bones apart, but with a twin belly, this was quite the task. I was in a lot of discomfort - but also - scared he was going to miss. First he injected a numbing agent which hurt like a son of a bitch - but wasn't as bad as I had imagined the spinal tap to be. Well, two shots later (one being the spinal) I was ready to go - and honestly - the numbing agent was the worst part of it all!!!
Immediately I feel my legs get heavy, almost like they were filling with sand. The nurses had to help me lift them onto the table and then lay down. The funny thing is, I could still feel my feet as they were putting up the curtain, so I freaked. I started telling the doctor, "No, we can't do this - I can still feel everything - this isn't going to work!!" My doctor looked over the curtain and said, "Do you feel this?" and she grabbed my toe. "YES!!" She smiled calmly, and immediately said, "And this?" "Ummm...noooo...." She smiled in the calm caring way she has done every time I've panicked in her office and said, "I don't care if your feet are numb, I'm not performing surgery there, I care about your midsection. Your midsection is numb b/c I just pinched it with these [showing me a very scary, pinchy looking medical piece of steel...thing super tweezers] very hard and you didn't feel it. We're ready to go." I took in a breath, looked at Allan and tried to mentally check out. This is where my body started to convulse/shake and I was told to focus on the music to 'calm down'.
The surgery starts and really, all I could feel, was pressure and my shoulders being moved slightly from side to side by the actions that were happening below the curtain. The movement came b/c they were rolling my lower half from side to side - both girls were breech and so they were trying to grab them and flip them a bit. This did not happen. Zara came out butt first and Isla came out with one leg down, one foot up by her face.
After about 5 minutes (it felt like 5 hours) of pressure and slight movement it was announced that Zara was born. I was happy - but instantly aware of the fact that she was not crying. I voiced my concern and was told that it was normal for babies delivered by c-sections. My shaking, that I mentioned above, started to really get intense, to the point the anesthesiologist had to hold me down to keep me still while the doctor continued to deliver Isla.
Last warning...it gets scary after this...stooooop reading if you are easily upset.
As the procedure continued Zara was whisked over to her team (3 doctors) of doctors who started working on here. This was all following the plan my doctor had given me - so I turned my head and watched. Still shaking. As a matter of a fact, by this time, I have told the anesthesiologist that "I'm going to pass out" to which he replied that he's had dads pass out, but never mothers, and to just breathe.
Suddenly, in an instant, everything changed. Mind you, Z & Isla were born only 3 minutes apart - so what I'm about to happen took place in 3 minutes - but it felt like 1/2 hour.
I look back to Zara to try and focus on her and not the massive pressure going on in my stomach (they really had to push and roll me around to access Isla). I was happy to see Z but I was focusing on the doctors faces for some reason. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could see them all look very concerned. My shaking increased and I couldn't breathe. "Something's not right," I tell Allan and I could feel myself tear up and begin to lose control. "Everything's just fine, they are just making sure she's okay. And she is!" Well, no sooner did he say that then did they all get this very serious Grey's Anatomy look on their face and start moving - one to open the door and two to push Z'a crib out of the room.
"Oh my God, something is wrong..." I said. "Nope, they just want to make sure she's okay and doing all the things she should be doing," the anesthesiologist assured me (later to find out he meant they were checking her breathing.). This was not following my plan. The girls were supposed to go to the NICU together. At this point Allan is talking to a doctor, looks at me and says, "Do you want me to go with her?" Now, prior to surgery we had decided he would go to the NICU with the girls while I finished surgery. I figured that the team had just taken her to the NICU early - so I said yes and that Isla would follow. Off he went, almost running.
We are now nearing the end of the three minutes and I'm shaking so bad, I'm feeling dizzy and lightheaded and cannot focus. I'm really preparing myself to die after I see Isla (dramatic, eh? But I hate being out of control of my body.). Over the curtain I hear my doctor say, "Hold on, she's almoooooooost hereeeeeee...." and then Isla crying. Instantly. She cried instantly. My thoughts go right to Zara. Something. Is. Wrong. By this point, the doctors know I've caught on and they are trying to distract me. With jokes, with asking me stupid questions, "What's one thing nobody knows about you?" anything. Finally, Isla passes all of her tests (the ones that Zara was rushed out during) and she is placed on my chest. A distraction. But, the most beautiful distraction I've ever seen. It works. I'm distracted by my daughter. But I'm still shaking/about to pass out. She's now taken, but slowly and peacefully, to the NICU.
The rest of the surgery - as they say - is history. It takes about 10 more minutes for my doctor to finish up and I'm wheeled into recovery. I'm checked on. A lot. By multiple team members. Finally, my doctor checks on me and gives me the news: my blood pressure was dangerously low during the surgery, and still is. Also, my core temp dropped, which could be normal, but they couldn't get it to go up. I was to remain in recovery longer than normal. Instantly I start throwing up and the shaking/convulsions come back. I'm then hit with the news that due to all of this I was given morphine - which I'm insanely allergic to - but it was their only way to calm some of the other issues with my body down. Great. Morphine. At this point, Allan comes to check on me, but he's anxious and I don't know why. Then he tells me he has to leave and he will send my parents in.
I'm so sick, so drugged up and so out of it that the next few things are a blur. Here's what I remember: I throw up. A lot. I can't stop shaking so I'm given another medication. Then it's time to go up to my room, but on the way, I'm rolled to the NICU. The movement of rolling makes me insanely sick, and the NICU is really hot. So as soon as I get into the girl's room, I begin throwing up. I'm rolled out quickly. I don't remember what happens next - if I pass out or blank out - but I only remember being in my room all of a sudden. I also know it's been an insanely long time since I've seen Allan.
The nurses who were to tend to me were very attentive. I'm throwing up, still shaking and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Finally somebody comes clean with me: I'm not doing "good". They've had to up my meds and now need to monitor my body temperature & blood pressure like it's their job (which it is) to figure out how to stabilize me. Allan comes in - he's exhausted. He stays for a bit but is so tired he needs to go home to sleep. That was fine by me - it was our plan all along. The nurses come in and wrap me up in blankets - I'm sweating like I've never sweat before - but my temp is dangerously low. The move me on to other warming methods. I fall asleep.
I wake up the next morning in a much better place. The nurse came in and explained they were able to stabilize me over night. We kind of made a joke about it all - but it was pretty close to being "bad" as far as my BP & temp went. It was a darn good thing we took the girls when we did b/c of the BP...but I am okay.
Once I'm taken care of I have them bring me down to the NICU. Before we enter they stop me and tell me about Zara. She was okay now, but she was very, very close to not making it last night. Apparently she had so much fluid in her lungs that they couldn't get her to breathe. They gave her medicine to clear out her lungs, but by that point, she still wasn't wanting to try to breathe. When they rushed her out - they had rushed her out to get x-rays and hooked up to a breathing machine. What I was about to see when I went in, the nurses said, was scary to see - but we were in the safe zone.
I went in. My poor little baby was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and IVs. She was very small and fragile looking. She was gorgeous - but I was terrified. Very shortly the Respiratory Therapist arrived. He explained everything and how they were at a point now that they were not concerned about Zara's survival. "She was here by the grace of God," he said - and that he was so happy to be a part of her team and he would keep a good eye on her until she no longer needed assistance to breathe.
Long story short - he kept his promise. Zara was taken off all breathing assistance by Saturday morning.
She was thriving. Isla was healthy. I was on the mend. Life is good.
Saturday until now are all a bit of a blurred mess. I'm going to have to update you about the progress they made each day once I've had a moment to process it. But, I assure you, I will. The progress, the tests, etc., that they all had to endure for the last 72 hours is incredible and will be documented. But not yet. This is their birth story. And they are here.
I'm so in love.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
The end & beginning...
Well, here it is. The day we've all been waiting for. Okay, perhaps not the day, but the day before the day which is almost as good.
I'm currently writing this blog at 3am. Anxiety and excitement have kicked in full force. Oh, that and I was so thirsty and hungry that there was no way I was getting back to sleep without feeding these little ones. Guess it's just my bodies way of getting me ready for the big arrival.
The other exciting thing that's happening - my parents are arriving today!!! I'm so excited to see them. I haven't seen my dad for almost a year - and I haven't seen my mom for almost six months. I'm also really happy that they'll be able to actually see me, in person, pregnant. It's been hard to go through this entire pregnancy (my mom was out when I was newly pregnant aka not showing) without being close to them.
So, we have a lot to look forward to in the next 48 hours - and so my body is refusing sleep! Too bad in the 31 years I've been alive my body hasn't learned that if it actually sleeps then time goes by a lot faster!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Chronic Hypertension & Pregnancy....
Annoying. My doctor said I could have my hour out of bed every 3-4 hours as long as I could keep my numbers in the "prehypertension" range. I suspect she'd like it to be in the normal range - but they haven't been there this entire pregnancy. If my numbers went into hypertension - then I don't get my hour out of bed.
So, here we are - serious hypertension. Back in bed, horizontally, and being pissy. I'm to check my numbers again in 20-30 minutes and if they don't go down a bit then I'm to go to L&D. Which, honestly, I don't really want to do. 1) My numbers are usually low enough when I get there that they aren't concerned. 2) I hate the monitor belt they make you wear. My belly is too big for them and they slip right off. 3) They keep you there for hours on end.
I'm over this chronic hypertension (not pre-e anymore b/c I don't spill protein into my urine - I just have all the other symptoms). Bring on Thursday!!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Last pregnancy comment??
One can hope, right? I have six days left and so I should be nearing the end of comments about my size/shape/waddle etc.
Today's came from my cleaning lady - whom I absolutely love as she's really the only social interaction I have all week (aside from A & Bax).
Cleaning lady: Wow!! You're stomach is even bigger now! You've seriously grown since last week!!
Umm...isn't that what's supposed to happen when you're pregnant? You get bigger and bigger b/c your baby is growing?
Perhaps I'm being ultra-sensitive b/c I'm nearly the end of my pregnancy and I'm guessing my hormones are raging. Or, perhaps it's because I miss the 2nd trimester when everybody says how fabulous you look (even if they quantify it with "for having twins!") all the time.
I don't know. But, I'll be happy to not have people comment on my size anymore. I'm big, I get it. I'm starting to have a complex about it - that's how big I am. I know it's all well-meaning, and I'm not really "upset" about the comments...I just want somebody who doesn't know me (i.e. who doesn't read this blog) to say, "Damn girl! You look great today!!" Or some variation of that...
Today's came from my cleaning lady - whom I absolutely love as she's really the only social interaction I have all week (aside from A & Bax).
Cleaning lady: Wow!! You're stomach is even bigger now! You've seriously grown since last week!!
Umm...isn't that what's supposed to happen when you're pregnant? You get bigger and bigger b/c your baby is growing?
Perhaps I'm being ultra-sensitive b/c I'm nearly the end of my pregnancy and I'm guessing my hormones are raging. Or, perhaps it's because I miss the 2nd trimester when everybody says how fabulous you look (even if they quantify it with "for having twins!") all the time.
I don't know. But, I'll be happy to not have people comment on my size anymore. I'm big, I get it. I'm starting to have a complex about it - that's how big I am. I know it's all well-meaning, and I'm not really "upset" about the comments...I just want somebody who doesn't know me (i.e. who doesn't read this blog) to say, "Damn girl! You look great today!!" Or some variation of that...
Nursery time!
Pictures are huge to me - I absolutely love looking at pictures throughout time. In fact, when I go home to my parents house, one of my favorite things to do is spend an afternoon looking through old pictures. There is something about pictures - they capture our history, the love (and sometimes annoyance) we have for one another, the 'sign of the times', and most importantly - they tell our stories.
So, Allan and I recently got a new camera so that I could document the girls lives with something other than my iPhone. I've been spending my time on bed rest (well, for the last few days) trying to learn how to use this camera. My subjects are limited. In fact, so far it's been Bax. So, yesterday, I moved on to taking pictures of the nursery. Here's what I came up with:
So, Allan and I recently got a new camera so that I could document the girls lives with something other than my iPhone. I've been spending my time on bed rest (well, for the last few days) trying to learn how to use this camera. My subjects are limited. In fact, so far it's been Bax. So, yesterday, I moved on to taking pictures of the nursery. Here's what I came up with:
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| I made this mobile a few months ago after discovering I hated any mobile under $100 and there was no way I was paying that! |
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| Quilts and cribs. Everything x2! These are the gorgeous quilts my mom made for the girls. |
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| Just another view of the cribs. I love them! |
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| These are the first stuffed animals that the girls received - twin snow owls! Allan's mother bought them for the girls in Vegas when we first found out we were pregnant. |
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| Books, toys and more stuffed animals! This shelf was an absolute pain to put together - but I love the way it looks. |
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| Even though A laughs at me - I wanted something "Scottish" in the girls nursery w/out it being in-your-face Scottish. - to represent his culture. Baby Highland Cows are SO cute!! |
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| My favorite part of the nursery - the Pottery Barn chair I found on super clearance at a local surplus store! |
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| This is the spot Bax loves to sleep in the afternoon. He can see right into the cribs - I have a feeling he is going to be more protective over the girls than anything. |
34 weeks...
**Warning** This is quite possibly the last weekly update of this pregnancy. I have it on good authority that we will likely be delivering the girls next week on Thursday evening!!!!
Finally, the Pregnant Chicken is back in action - and I don't have to do another obscure fruit this week!! As the girls are roughly 5lbs this week (mine are a bit ahead of that) PC relates it to carrying around a bag of sugar in your belly. Well, you know the drill by now, since I have twins make that two bags of sugar!! Next time you're in the grocery store, grab two bags of sugar, using a scarf to tie them to your belly, and walk around - you'll get an idea of how I'm feeling these days. Nobody will look at you funny, I promise!! Lol
The big development this week? The girls are starting to recognize songs - TheBump says I should start singing to them. Well, I don't want to torture them already, so I'll be slapping some bellybuds on this week and playing some music. Also, they are beginning to pee up to a pint (again, multiply that by 2!!) of urine a day!! EW!
Total weight gain: I didn't look this week. It's not going to be good, I'm sure.
Maternity clothes: I've been living in yoga pants and tank tops - and my new maternity hoodie which is beyond dirty at this point!!
Stretch marks: The ones ones on my hips are multiplying like rabbits!! Seriously, there are almost as many as on my belly at this point.
Sleep: What, what is that!? Seriously, I'm up about every 45 min to hour. People keep telling me to "enjoy your sleep while you can," but I have no clue what they're referring - at this point there is very little sleep happening.
Best moment of this week: Saw the girls, they are still healthy and we were given a due date!!
Miss anything: Italian sandwich w/ salami!! Mmmm!
Movement: When they do move, it's a lot. But they've really started to slow down in movement throughout the day. It's more in short bursts now. The doctor said this is totally normal as they are now officially running out of room.
Food cravings: Chocolate still, which is strange, b/c I'm not really a chocolate person.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not this week!! Woohoo!!
Have you started to show yet: Measuring at 53 weeks currently...holy moly!
Labor signs: I've been having some contractions and lower back pain - but nothing that can be measured consistently at this point.
Belly button in or out: In - but grossly deformed.
Wedding rings on or off: Off - I still miss them. Can't wait for the swelling to go down (and to lose some of this weight) to wear them again.
Mood most of the time: I'm all over the board this week. I'm happy/bored/anxious/scared/excited/melancholy/etc from one moment to the next.
Looking forward to: Next Thursday - when the girls will finally be here!!!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Bring on winter!!
No cold baby feet in our house this winter!!!
Not usually a fan of Uggs, but they are super cute in this size!!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Crazy pregnancy dream #699403
So, I had another strange pregnancy dream last night...and this one has stuck with me since I woke up - so I thought it was worth sharing.
I was at the hospital and had just given birth to the girls. The girls were in one of those cribs they use in the hospital, you know, the ones that look like plastic storage boxes with a missing lid? Well, they were in the this crib together (twins can co-sleep) but the crib didn't have sides. There was a nurse on either side of the crib to tend to each girl, however, they were chit-chatting and gossiping the whole time.
I kept looking over and was so annoyed but didn't say anything b/c they are nurses, they know what they're doing right? Well, the babies started rolling (apparently they are really advanced in their development!) and rolled right out of the crib, on to their heads on the floor. The nurses retrieved them and put them back in the cribs and continued chatting.
Well, I was pissed. So I asked them to stop chatting and to take proper care of my babies because I didn't really like that they were falling on their heads. One of the nurses turns to me and says, "Oh, don't worry honey, they don't use their brains this early on anyways. They're fine." Well, because I had had a c-section I couldn't get out of the bed to get to the girls so, again, I just laid there watching and kept trying to tell myself that the nurses knew what they were doing - it's their job. Well, at that very moment both girls rolled off the crib once more, landing on their head and causing brain damage. The nurse declared they had too much brain damage to function as a baby and right when she said that both girls turned into cats - white cats with black spots everywhere...
Then I woke up.
What the?! These hormones are crazy...
I was at the hospital and had just given birth to the girls. The girls were in one of those cribs they use in the hospital, you know, the ones that look like plastic storage boxes with a missing lid? Well, they were in the this crib together (twins can co-sleep) but the crib didn't have sides. There was a nurse on either side of the crib to tend to each girl, however, they were chit-chatting and gossiping the whole time. I kept looking over and was so annoyed but didn't say anything b/c they are nurses, they know what they're doing right? Well, the babies started rolling (apparently they are really advanced in their development!) and rolled right out of the crib, on to their heads on the floor. The nurses retrieved them and put them back in the cribs and continued chatting.
Well, I was pissed. So I asked them to stop chatting and to take proper care of my babies because I didn't really like that they were falling on their heads. One of the nurses turns to me and says, "Oh, don't worry honey, they don't use their brains this early on anyways. They're fine." Well, because I had had a c-section I couldn't get out of the bed to get to the girls so, again, I just laid there watching and kept trying to tell myself that the nurses knew what they were doing - it's their job. Well, at that very moment both girls rolled off the crib once more, landing on their head and causing brain damage. The nurse declared they had too much brain damage to function as a baby and right when she said that both girls turned into cats - white cats with black spots everywhere...
Then I woke up.
What the?! These hormones are crazy...
Friday, September 27, 2013
What did you just say?
Listen, I don't leave the house much anymore due to this whole bed rest thing, but when I do leave for a doctor's appointment I always get the strangest looks and/or comments.
This weeks comments/questions took the cake - and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them.
1) Twins!? Wow, congratulations - are they natural? Umm - as opposed to what, fake/artificial babies? I hate this question. I know exactly what you are asking - you want to know if we used fertility treatments to conceive our children. Well, perfect stranger, if you tell me how you conceived your children then I'll tell you. No, really, this is SUCH a rude question. If I haven't offered up the info then it's not something I want to discuss in the current setting because typically you are asking me this question in the line at the pharmacy, over breakfast, in line checking out somewhere, etc. All very public places with lots of ears - again, I'm not asking you how you got pregnant in these situations!
2) You know, I read this article about a mom who was having multiples. She lost two of them right before she gave birth and then the last one died within 24 hours of her giving birth. Really, tell me more about how scary it is to be a mom of multiples and all the risks that go along with it - that doesn't terrify me at all. Especially now that I'm so close to giving birth!! I'm not quite sure what the point of sharing that story with me was - and at the time I was in such shock that all I could say was, "Oh, that's really sad." But, it's been almost a week since I was told this story and I can't get it out of my head. Thanks, woman - you just turned an already scary thing (giving birth, having twins, etc) into something out of a Stephen King novel.
3) Are you sure you aren't about to go into labor?! I usually get this once somebody looks at me, horrified by my size and then fixes their face to show concern and not horror. No, no I'm not sure I'm not going to go into labor. Nobody ever is - it could happen at any moment, really. But, the chances are pretty small and if I had any inkling that it were to happen soon I wouldn't be standing in line getting a drink on my way to my doctors appointment - I'd be, oh you know, with my doctor at the hospital! I want to deliver my children at a gas station much less than you want me to. Thanks.
Listen, I get it. Twins are really cool. And, I'm just as fascinated by them as anybody else!! I totally get it - all I'm saying is, there is a time and place to ask questions or tell stories.
This weeks comments/questions took the cake - and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them.
1) Twins!? Wow, congratulations - are they natural? Umm - as opposed to what, fake/artificial babies? I hate this question. I know exactly what you are asking - you want to know if we used fertility treatments to conceive our children. Well, perfect stranger, if you tell me how you conceived your children then I'll tell you. No, really, this is SUCH a rude question. If I haven't offered up the info then it's not something I want to discuss in the current setting because typically you are asking me this question in the line at the pharmacy, over breakfast, in line checking out somewhere, etc. All very public places with lots of ears - again, I'm not asking you how you got pregnant in these situations!
2) You know, I read this article about a mom who was having multiples. She lost two of them right before she gave birth and then the last one died within 24 hours of her giving birth. Really, tell me more about how scary it is to be a mom of multiples and all the risks that go along with it - that doesn't terrify me at all. Especially now that I'm so close to giving birth!! I'm not quite sure what the point of sharing that story with me was - and at the time I was in such shock that all I could say was, "Oh, that's really sad." But, it's been almost a week since I was told this story and I can't get it out of my head. Thanks, woman - you just turned an already scary thing (giving birth, having twins, etc) into something out of a Stephen King novel.
3) Are you sure you aren't about to go into labor?! I usually get this once somebody looks at me, horrified by my size and then fixes their face to show concern and not horror. No, no I'm not sure I'm not going to go into labor. Nobody ever is - it could happen at any moment, really. But, the chances are pretty small and if I had any inkling that it were to happen soon I wouldn't be standing in line getting a drink on my way to my doctors appointment - I'd be, oh you know, with my doctor at the hospital! I want to deliver my children at a gas station much less than you want me to. Thanks.
Listen, I get it. Twins are really cool. And, I'm just as fascinated by them as anybody else!! I totally get it - all I'm saying is, there is a time and place to ask questions or tell stories.
Week 33 with twins!
All of that said, we do know the girls weight 5lbs & 5lbs4oz now. So I'm going to say they look more like kittens. Maybe 6 month old kittens - b/c that's a reference everybody can use, right? They are gaining about 1/2 lbs a week from here on out and apparently this is the last week that they'll really put on any length (possibly up to an entire inch!). My guess is that our girls have probably maxed out in the length area already as neither Allan or I are all that tall. The girls bodies are also starting to work on building an immune system and we are now sharing antibodies to help develop that. The girls have started keeping their eyes open when they are awake and have also begun to coordinate how to suck and breathe so that they can do those things on the outside. Bones are starting to get nice and hard and their brains continue to develop...come on girls - I wouldn't be mad if one of you were the president, surgeon, or something equally as impressive...
Total weight gain: I looked - 60 LBS as of now...not too bad considering there is 11 lbs of baby in there!
Maternity clothes: I ordered my very last maternity item the other day - it was a hoodie. I have tons of tanks, but no hoodies, and I would like one to cuddle up in...and to wear at the hospital.
Stretch marks: Still growing. Now, my belly is so stretched that it's also got thick blue veins showing! Awesome!
Sleep: Still sleeping 1-2 hours. I'm so uncomfortable. And, when I do actually find a comfortable position, I have to get up to pee. I have, however, been having this reoccurring dream that we are having triplets and the doctors have just missed seeing one of the babies. As excited/happy I am to have twins - I do not know how I'd cope with triplets, so hopefully this is not true!!
Best moment of this week: Seeing the girls - nothing ever tops that!
Miss anything: Being comfortable doing anything - seriously, I'd love to lay down and be comfortable, or walk and not feel like my spine is being crushed.
Movement: Movin' & groovin'!! These girls are all over the place, which continues to shock the doctor b/c at this point they should really be running out of room.
Food cravings: Chocolate...mmmmm!!!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Thankfully, I'm still able to eat whatever I want!! I'm hoping this stays the same until the end. It's nice to eat chicken again!
Have you started to show yet: I'm to the point that now when people see me they look at me with a bit of terror first - then they pull it together and immediately ask if I'm "about to go at any moment". I'm obscenely pregnant.
Labor signs: I've been having some contractions on and off and something the nurse referred to as "false back labor".
Belly button in or out: It's in - it's shallow - and it's gross to look at!
Wedding rings on or off: So, so off. My fingers are the size of sausages...
Mood most of the time: I think I'll stick with bored-happy. I've now been on bed rest for 3 weeks - so my brain is slowly turning to mush. However, I'm happy because there looks like there might be an end and sight, and regardless, the girls are doing SO well in there - I really couldn't ask for more.
Looking forward to: My appointment next Tuesday. We'll know more of a game plan that week as far as how things are going to go down. It's strange to think there is a possibility that 2 weeks (14 days!!) from now Allan and I could actually be holding our babies!!!! Crazy!!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Bed Rest & Meals...
So, bed rest means that I cannot get out of bed to do much. I started off having 3 one hour spurts out of bed a day that has been lowered to being "out of bed as needed." This means Allan has to take over a lot of the household responsibilities.
It's really hard on me, for different reasons, to watch him do everything around the house while I'm just laying around. So, I decided this week I would utilize the crockpot to make dinners so that he does not have to come home at 5 o'clock and still have to cook for an hour or so. The following are links to recipes that we have used. I've only linked the good ones ;)
Taco Soup
Review: we both love, love, loved this one. I did not, however, cook it for 8-9 hours on low. Because I forgot to actually turn the crockpot on, it cooked for 5 hours (2 of those on high but I don't think that's necessary). It is a soup not a chili so it will be "runny"...it took me awhile to wrap my head around this.
Chicken Philly Cheesesteak
Review: We both really loved this one too. Allan was a bit thrown off b/c it definitely has a bit of a "beef" taste but you know it's chicken. I cooked it exactly like the recipe called for and it came out perfect. We will definitely be having this again!
Beef Stroganoff
Review: Only Allan got to eat this one. I would cook the meat longer than what is called for (or at a higher level) before adding everything as suggested. I did not do this and the meat was still a bit pink - which is probably fine for most - but being pregnant I want my beef 'well done'. Allan ate it though and said it was another great recipe!!
Mac & Cheese
Review: This is what I'm making tonight for dinner - and I'm the world's pickiest Mac & Cheese eater - so I will update you as soon as we've tasted it. The recipe looks amazing though!! Allan will have his M&C w/ steak since he's not as big of a fan...
It's really hard on me, for different reasons, to watch him do everything around the house while I'm just laying around. So, I decided this week I would utilize the crockpot to make dinners so that he does not have to come home at 5 o'clock and still have to cook for an hour or so. The following are links to recipes that we have used. I've only linked the good ones ;)
Taco Soup
Review: we both love, love, loved this one. I did not, however, cook it for 8-9 hours on low. Because I forgot to actually turn the crockpot on, it cooked for 5 hours (2 of those on high but I don't think that's necessary). It is a soup not a chili so it will be "runny"...it took me awhile to wrap my head around this.
Chicken Philly Cheesesteak
Review: We both really loved this one too. Allan was a bit thrown off b/c it definitely has a bit of a "beef" taste but you know it's chicken. I cooked it exactly like the recipe called for and it came out perfect. We will definitely be having this again!
Beef Stroganoff
Review: Only Allan got to eat this one. I would cook the meat longer than what is called for (or at a higher level) before adding everything as suggested. I did not do this and the meat was still a bit pink - which is probably fine for most - but being pregnant I want my beef 'well done'. Allan ate it though and said it was another great recipe!!
Mac & Cheese
Review: This is what I'm making tonight for dinner - and I'm the world's pickiest Mac & Cheese eater - so I will update you as soon as we've tasted it. The recipe looks amazing though!! Allan will have his M&C w/ steak since he's not as big of a fan...
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Update from Weekly appointment & MFM
The results are in - and we are all doing relatively good!!
My blood pressure is still a bit on the high side, and I'm still having some massive headaches, but all of the lab work (both urine and blood) have come back okay. So, right now we are labeling my issue as "chronic gestational hypertension" i.e. high blood pressure b/c I'm pregnant. The doctors (both OB & MFM) would like to monitor me weekly though to make sure it does not turn into pre-e or anything worse. So, not only will I have my weekly monitoring - the girls will now start getting NST (non-stress tests) to make sure their placentas are doing okay w/ the BP the way it is.
Both girls weighed in huge today at 5lbs and 5lbs4oz!! That's somewhere in the 70th & 80th percentiles in comparison to singletons at this gestational age, which is great! We saw Z yawn, both of their hearts beating away, their bladder & kidneys (which means they are practicing swallowing now) and lungs. Very cool!! So, they are both healthy - just big babies!!
Hard to believe I have almost 11 pounds of baby in me! No wonder I'm so tired and it's getting so hard to move around!!
As of right now, because of everything mentioned above, we are making my "goal" date for delivery Oct 11, which would be 35 weeks. Now, this could change at any time, if things start getting worse (or better - if my headaches/BP resolve themselves)...but we will know more at my appointment next Tuesday which way it'll go but my OB is pretty sure we're looking closer to 35 weeks than anything else.
Craaaazy!!
My blood pressure is still a bit on the high side, and I'm still having some massive headaches, but all of the lab work (both urine and blood) have come back okay. So, right now we are labeling my issue as "chronic gestational hypertension" i.e. high blood pressure b/c I'm pregnant. The doctors (both OB & MFM) would like to monitor me weekly though to make sure it does not turn into pre-e or anything worse. So, not only will I have my weekly monitoring - the girls will now start getting NST (non-stress tests) to make sure their placentas are doing okay w/ the BP the way it is.
Both girls weighed in huge today at 5lbs and 5lbs4oz!! That's somewhere in the 70th & 80th percentiles in comparison to singletons at this gestational age, which is great! We saw Z yawn, both of their hearts beating away, their bladder & kidneys (which means they are practicing swallowing now) and lungs. Very cool!! So, they are both healthy - just big babies!!
Hard to believe I have almost 11 pounds of baby in me! No wonder I'm so tired and it's getting so hard to move around!!
As of right now, because of everything mentioned above, we are making my "goal" date for delivery Oct 11, which would be 35 weeks. Now, this could change at any time, if things start getting worse (or better - if my headaches/BP resolve themselves)...but we will know more at my appointment next Tuesday which way it'll go but my OB is pretty sure we're looking closer to 35 weeks than anything else.
Craaaazy!!
Friday, September 20, 2013
32 weeks!!!
Well, we made it to 32 weeks!! It was our first big milestone since being on bed rest. Now that I'm at 32 weeks I can deliver in the town we live in and not have to worry about being flown to SLC to deliver. The NICU here (if we need it) will be able to take care of our girls at this point! It's a huge relief.
Also, a little update on my bed rest progress. As I posted earlier this week, my blood pressure was not going down on bed rest, in fact it's gone up. The doctors had me monitor my BP for a little over 24 hours to make sure that my readings at the office weren't induced by anxiety. They weren't. Anyway, the doctor has prescribed me blood pressure medication at a very low dose to start tomorrow. She has assured me that it is safe for the girls. Also, I will start doing a 24 hour urine analysis this weekend to let us know if I have protein in my urine that they are not catching at the office. We will have those results for my next appointment on Tuesday and so will be able to make a game plan going forward.
Total weight gain: Not even looking after last week!! I can't bring myself to do it again.
Maternity clothes: I spend my days in tank tops and comfy pants these days. No need to get all dressed up to lay in bed, right?
Stretch marks: No new ones (thank goodness) since last week!!
Sleep: I'm back to 1-2 hour stretches of sleep - but now that the weather is cooling off I suspect I'll start sleeping better.
Best moment of this week: I was approved for short-term disability today!!
Miss anything: Having feeling in my stomach! My skin is so stretched out that there is a good portion of my stomach that I can no longer feel.
Movement: Isla & Z are still moving around, but the movement has gone from kicks/punches to more of a sliding across my belly feel...I don't know how to explain it.
Food cravings: Yogurt with cheese dipped in it (I ate this when I was younger...I was strange).
Anything making you queasy or sick: Amazingly - nothing!!!
Have you started to show yet: Yep, I'm measuring as though I am 47 weeks pregnant.
Labor signs: Not a one!
Belly button in or out: In still!! Woot woot!
Wedding rings on or off: Off - not even around my neck at this point b/c they were starting to annoy me on bed rest.
Mood most of the time: Bored - but happy. I'm really trying to be conscience about being in a positive state of mind since they say the girls can tell when I'm happy or sad...must be related to Santa somehow...
Looking forward to: I have two appointments next week - one on Tuesday with the OB where I'll figure out a game plan for the rest. Then, on Wednesday I have an appointment with my high risk doctor who will do a growth scan for the girls - so we'll know how the are doing and how much they weigh! I'm really hoping for 4.5-5 lbs...but that might be a loft goal...we'll see!!
Also, a little update on my bed rest progress. As I posted earlier this week, my blood pressure was not going down on bed rest, in fact it's gone up. The doctors had me monitor my BP for a little over 24 hours to make sure that my readings at the office weren't induced by anxiety. They weren't. Anyway, the doctor has prescribed me blood pressure medication at a very low dose to start tomorrow. She has assured me that it is safe for the girls. Also, I will start doing a 24 hour urine analysis this weekend to let us know if I have protein in my urine that they are not catching at the office. We will have those results for my next appointment on Tuesday and so will be able to make a game plan going forward.
Total weight gain: Not even looking after last week!! I can't bring myself to do it again.
Maternity clothes: I spend my days in tank tops and comfy pants these days. No need to get all dressed up to lay in bed, right?
Stretch marks: No new ones (thank goodness) since last week!!
Sleep: I'm back to 1-2 hour stretches of sleep - but now that the weather is cooling off I suspect I'll start sleeping better.
Best moment of this week: I was approved for short-term disability today!!
Miss anything: Having feeling in my stomach! My skin is so stretched out that there is a good portion of my stomach that I can no longer feel.
Movement: Isla & Z are still moving around, but the movement has gone from kicks/punches to more of a sliding across my belly feel...I don't know how to explain it.
Food cravings: Yogurt with cheese dipped in it (I ate this when I was younger...I was strange).
Anything making you queasy or sick: Amazingly - nothing!!!
Have you started to show yet: Yep, I'm measuring as though I am 47 weeks pregnant.
Labor signs: Not a one!
Belly button in or out: In still!! Woot woot!
Wedding rings on or off: Off - not even around my neck at this point b/c they were starting to annoy me on bed rest.
Mood most of the time: Bored - but happy. I'm really trying to be conscience about being in a positive state of mind since they say the girls can tell when I'm happy or sad...must be related to Santa somehow...
Looking forward to: I have two appointments next week - one on Tuesday with the OB where I'll figure out a game plan for the rest. Then, on Wednesday I have an appointment with my high risk doctor who will do a growth scan for the girls - so we'll know how the are doing and how much they weigh! I'm really hoping for 4.5-5 lbs...but that might be a loft goal...we'll see!!
Strange pregnancy dream #394910
Well, I was in that twilight sleep, you know right before you fall asleep but you still aren't quite awake? All I remember is hearing this strange "tisk tisk tisk" noise and instantly my brain went immediately to Rikkik Tikki Tavi - remember that story/movie? It was about a mongoose and cobra snake. Well, apparently, in my twilight sleep, it made sense to me that a mongoose was under my bed. This didn't freak me out, but the thought of why a mongoose would be there did. Clearly there was also a COBRA under my bed too!!!
So what is a girl to do? I call out for my husband (who was still wide awake watching TV in the living room) to come check under my bed a'la "Are there monsters under my bed?" style. Yep. I was convinced there was a mongoose & cobra fighting it out under my bed an I wanted A to engage as well. I'm smart when I'm sleeping!
All I remember is A asking, "What the hell is a mongoose?!" So explain it to him - "You know, they eat snakes!" Allan just looked at me, "You mean, like the ones that live in India?" Ummm...yeah, I forgot that part in my sleep. Ooops.
Well, thanks for potentially saving my life anyway, Husband. <3
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The horrors of the 24 hour urine analysis...
So, when you have numbers like these...
Your doctor orders you to collect your urine for 24 hours...in these!
As if being pregnant wasn't hard/gross enough...now I have to collect my pee, pour it in that jug, and keep it in the refrigerator!! I'm so grossed out right now. I didn't exactly picture myself doing things like this during my pregnancy. Who is it who coined the term "pregnancy is beautiful"? I'm pretty sure that person never had to collect their pee for 24 hours!!
The other horrifying thing? I just realized that collecting for 24 hours means every time I get up at night too - I'll have to stumble to the kitchen to deposit my pee before I can go back to sleep. Yeah, pretty sure I won't be sleeping much tomorrow night. Once my body is "up" it's up...
These girls owe me something really cool now - at least a Tiffany's bracelet or earrings or something! ;)
Pregnancy - then & now...
 |
| 8 weeks vs 32 weeks |
This is me at 8 weeks vs 32 weeks pregnant with twins. I find it kind of funny that at 8 weeks I thought I was showing...ooooh if I only knew what was to come!!!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Pregnancy induced Chronic Hypertension or Preeclampsia?
Well, we're finally getting somewhere with this whole blood pressure thing. Mind you, I'm writing this nearly 24 hours after hearing the news you are about to read about, so I've had time to digest the information.
Background info: My blood pressure (BP) before becoming pregnant was always textbook perfect. Since becoming pregnant it has always been "high normal" - something the doctors weren't concerned about but wanted to keep an eye on. Two weeks ago my BP officially went into the "high" category and so I was put on bed rest, because with it being 154/96 and the other symptoms I was exhibiting the doctors said I was showing signs of "early preeclampsia".
Fast forward to yesterday. I went to my OB appointment to follow up on everything. All of my signs of early preeclampsia were still there, except my swelling had gone down quite a bit. I was still missing the major factor of pre-e. My BP was so high that the doctor was actually showing visual signs of real concern on her face.
The problem is, my BP keeps going up, I keep having symptoms, but without the protein in the urine, she can't say it is "for sure" pre-e. So, she wanted me to monitor my BP until Thursday. I'm to take my BP 4 times a day and then anytime I'm not feeling right - and report back to her. So far my readings have been:
Background info: My blood pressure (BP) before becoming pregnant was always textbook perfect. Since becoming pregnant it has always been "high normal" - something the doctors weren't concerned about but wanted to keep an eye on. Two weeks ago my BP officially went into the "high" category and so I was put on bed rest, because with it being 154/96 and the other symptoms I was exhibiting the doctors said I was showing signs of "early preeclampsia".
Fast forward to yesterday. I went to my OB appointment to follow up on everything. All of my signs of early preeclampsia were still there, except my swelling had gone down quite a bit. I was still missing the major factor of pre-e. My BP was so high that the doctor was actually showing visual signs of real concern on her face.
The problem is, my BP keeps going up, I keep having symptoms, but without the protein in the urine, she can't say it is "for sure" pre-e. So, she wanted me to monitor my BP until Thursday. I'm to take my BP 4 times a day and then anytime I'm not feeling right - and report back to her. So far my readings have been:
Wednesday:
 |
| My new best friend - the BP monitor. According to the sales clerk - it's like the Mercedes of BP machines...oooolala! |
5pm: 136/104 (moving i.e. went from living room to
bedroom/bathroom)
10pm: 152/92 (after resting for 2 hours in bed/watching TV)
Thursday:
5:30am: 130/90 (wake up)
7:00am: 156/100 (moving
i.e. went from living room to bedroom/bathroom)
10:30am: 155/94 (bed 2.5 hours – got up to pee)
10:30am: 155/94 (bed 2.5 hours – got up to pee)
So, kind of all over the place as far as which number is the worrisome one - the top or the bottom. The 7:00am read is in italics b/c it was a time when I wasn't feeling good - not a timed read. So, I'll take my BP two more times today, unless I feel off, and report to her tomorrow.
What happens next? Depending on the numbers (she thought perhaps I was only testing high b/c I was nervous at the office even though I've been telling her I'm not nervous/anxious there) she will have me do a 24 hour urine analysis. This will be done to see if I am indeed spilling protein and they just haven't caught it at the office - indicating pre-e. If I'm not spilling protein then they will try BP medication to lower my numbers. Hopefully that will do the trick because if not I think the next step is hospital bed rest and possible early delivery b/c my BP is starting to get dangerous for me. So, we'll just have to wait and see.
It was quite the roller coaster yesterday - but I've mentally recovered today. I will keep you all updated as soon as I find something new out. We will take any good vibes you have to help keep these girls in as long as possible!!
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