Even though I miss sleep, my body is crazy strange right now, and hormones go from under control to out of control in the matter of seconds; we've had a great day. The girls had their first doctor's appointment today. It all went well, I had a minor breakdown over formula & my experience in the NICU with the feeding consultant, but other than that - the experience far exceeded my expectations. Both the girl's doctor & the two nurses we worked with were absolutely fabulous! The girls gained weight, .3 & .4 oz, since Sunday night - which doesn't seem like much - but it's huuuuuuge for a late-term preemie! We go back in one week for another weight and wellness check. As funny as it sounds, the appointment really helped to ease my mind that things will be okay. I had a lot of questions regarding "how to" with the girls and the doctor said that really, I just had to "wing it". Which is incredibly hard for me - but he also assured me that aside from shaking or dropping the girls (or intentionally hurting them) there was not much that could go wrong with them. For example, during the visit Z's belly button fell off and so the doctor pulled lightly on Isla's to see if hers would be loose too - it wasn't but I flipped a bit. All the books say you should not touch or pull on the belly button, let it fall off in time, etc. He smiled when I corrected him and said it was fine then went over the need to take everything I read with a grain of salt as there are different theories out there and they all contradict each other. As long as I'm well meaning (don't worry, I'm still not going to pull off belly buttons) then the girls will survive being infants.
When we got home I was able to get a bit of a nap, so that helped my outlook tons. Also, my parents and I have seemed to have gotten into a groove with the girls as far as a schedule and technique go. Allan is still working, so he helps at both 6 o'clock (AM & PM) feedings - but other than than that he's not here, which is hard on him, and on me & the girls. I didn't think it'd be so hard for me mentally when he went to work. I just want him to be here with us - seems strange without him. And, I want for him to experience all of the funny things the girls do. But, he will have time off next week to be here - so I've just got to hold on for that.
Anyway - all of this got me thinking about everything that Allan and I have been through from immigration to moving to infertility and now this. Our last two years together have been challenging and rewarding. All I can think about when looking back on it is: "I'm glad we never gave up." This holds true especially when it comes to the infertility bit. It was really hard for me to go through - and there were times I thought I wasn't going to be strong enough to make it to the next step. But, with Allan's support (and that of many others), I did make it. And the reward is amazing...I have my two beautiful, healthy girls who just keep exceeding our expectations but never giving up either...I'm sure, together, we can and will make it through anything!!Well, I have 1.5 hours until the next feeding, I'm just starting to feel tired, and apparently I'm getting super sappy - so I think it's time to sign off and try to get some sleep!!
<3
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